I should start with Crae Wilson's reunion that took place at EAC nearly a month ago now. It was ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.
Now I know you heard me complaining about last year's EAC reunion. Had I known then that an EAC theatre reunion was in the works, I would've saved myself the $35 and the heartbreak. And the gas money. And the tequila.
For those of you who attended, I am so glad I got to see you there, and I apologize for not getting to spend much time with you. Most of you went to see Crae and to catch up with the friends you made during your 2 or 3 years at EAC. Or 5 years at EAC. For me and my family, this reunion meant catching up with almost 2 decades of friends, since we've been involved in theatre at EAC every year since I was 11 years old. I saw people who I haven't seen since I was literally a kid--people who were there for all my major milestones: first orgy, first hit of peyote, first honor killing, etc. Man, I LOVED growing up in the theatre! Good times.
What else has happened? Well I flew up to Oregon AGAIN to scope out the situation AGAIN as I tried to make another major life decision AGAIN. The University of Oregon accepted me into their PhD in Romance Languages program, and I was seriously considering going. As you know, I'm dying for a change of scenery, and everyone there was really nice. It was freezing and rainy (go figure, being that Eugene, OR is as far north as Toronto), but I really liked it. Problems: their graduate teaching fellowship only pays $12,300 a year. That's BEFORE they take out $1,000 a year in "matriculation fees." So really, it's $11,300 a year. How the #$%$ am I supposed to pay the bills with that? On top of that, their graduate course offerings are limited in comparison with ASU's.
ASU's teaching fellowship pays $14,565 a year and there are no insult-to-injury matriculation fees. I'm throwing out my new annual salary so that everyone understands just how poor I'm going to be. That way, when you ask if I wanna go out to dinner or to a movie or to Disneyland or WHATEVER, you won't be offended when I spit in your face.
ASU's PhD in Spanish program is ranked #7 nationally, and they have a lot more depth in terms of faculty and course offerings. When looking through ASU's schedule, I see plenty of courses I'd be interested in taking. I cannot say the same for Oregon. Plus, ASU's program allows for an optional minor in French. Sorry, Ducks! The Sun Devils just handed your duck asses to you.
So I'm staying at ASU and staying here with my obese roommate, which will be cheap for me, ESPECIALLY when the light rail starts running this December (it's 5 blocks away and ASU students ride for free). I'm REALLY looking forward to being a grad student again. Not looking forward to the poverty, but I'm willing to sacrifice 2/3 of my current income to be able to SLEEP IN if I want to. No more cubicle! Oh GOD--I can't WAIT!!!
So Friday night we had what Bret named the "Big Gay Brothers Reunion Tour." Bret, Gary, Keith and I went to dinner downtown after work, then we went to Dodge Theatre, where we saw Margaret Cho.
I @#$%ing LOVE Margaret Cho. I left Dodge Theatre with actual abdominal discomfort from laughing so much. I have not had abdominal discomfort since Bret poisoned his food in what he called "a lesson for you to stop eating my food all the goddamn time, St.George." OK, we know that isn't an actual Bret quote, because Bret would never say "lesson." He's morally opposed to "all that readin' and writin'." It ain't right! Where in the Bible does it say that Jesus went to school and got all educated and snobby? No, seriously--tell me where. I'm illiterate. I just use the Bible to justify my own hatred, so having actual references would really help me out.
After Margaret Cho, we dropped Gary off at his house (because he is OLD and LAME) and went to Homme, which is really close to our place. I always liked Homme (because it's original, it has character, and the second floor is more conversation-oriented, which is nice), but now they've started charging a $3 cover. Bret's reaction was "Really?! For this?! A cover?! Really?!" The security guard was not amused by his reaction. I, however, was highly amused, because my inner monologue perfectly matched Bret's outer monologue at that particular moment.
The boys weren't feeling Homme, so we went to the Mothership: Charlie's. Plenty of cute gay boys and alcohol (as always). I'd like to say that I'm completely over cute gay boys and alcohol at this point in my life, but it's still kind of enjoyable every now and then. Being that my pancreas doesn't work properly, I'm traditionally the driver, so Bret very graciously offered to pay for a cab that night so I could get good and sloshed. That was really nice of him--I'm totally due for a turn to get wasted, but even when I was given the opportunity, it didn't sound very appealing to me.
That coupled with the fact that I am SO EXCITED about my new vacuum and hard floor cleaner has me contemplating on this fine afternoon the fact that I am getting very old (and very quickly). My crazy-fast metabolism is slowing down, I don't feel like going out every weekend anymore, and I'm so crazy in love with the Hoover FloorMate, I'm thinking of marrying it. I know what you're thinking: gay marriage is illegal (what with me being as gay as I am, and the Hoover, well... it has amazing suction, which takes practice... I'm just sayin').
The Hoover FloorMate is a TOTAL SLUT, but I can't help myself from falling head-over-loafers in love with him. Plus, he says he's ready to settle down now, and he hasn't left my apartment since I brought him home Friday night. I think this one's a keeper, folks. I don't wanna be like one of those Thatcher kids who gets married after a week-long courtship, but seriously, I just have this gut feeling that the Hoover FloorMate is The One. He's my eternal companion. And he has SUCH a strong testimony.
I think I'll take the Hoover FloorMate with me to the next Democratic debate and ask Hillary and Barack whether they'd be willing to approve legislation to allow me and Hoov to get gay married. If neither one of them answers my question to my satisfaction, that's IT. I'll vote for Ron Paul just to spite them. Few people know that Ron Paul is still in the race, but he totally is. Just FYI.
Now I know you heard me complaining about last year's EAC reunion. Had I known then that an EAC theatre reunion was in the works, I would've saved myself the $35 and the heartbreak. And the gas money. And the tequila.
For those of you who attended, I am so glad I got to see you there, and I apologize for not getting to spend much time with you. Most of you went to see Crae and to catch up with the friends you made during your 2 or 3 years at EAC. Or 5 years at EAC. For me and my family, this reunion meant catching up with almost 2 decades of friends, since we've been involved in theatre at EAC every year since I was 11 years old. I saw people who I haven't seen since I was literally a kid--people who were there for all my major milestones: first orgy, first hit of peyote, first honor killing, etc. Man, I LOVED growing up in the theatre! Good times.
What else has happened? Well I flew up to Oregon AGAIN to scope out the situation AGAIN as I tried to make another major life decision AGAIN. The University of Oregon accepted me into their PhD in Romance Languages program, and I was seriously considering going. As you know, I'm dying for a change of scenery, and everyone there was really nice. It was freezing and rainy (go figure, being that Eugene, OR is as far north as Toronto), but I really liked it. Problems: their graduate teaching fellowship only pays $12,300 a year. That's BEFORE they take out $1,000 a year in "matriculation fees." So really, it's $11,300 a year. How the #$%$ am I supposed to pay the bills with that? On top of that, their graduate course offerings are limited in comparison with ASU's.
ASU's teaching fellowship pays $14,565 a year and there are no insult-to-injury matriculation fees. I'm throwing out my new annual salary so that everyone understands just how poor I'm going to be. That way, when you ask if I wanna go out to dinner or to a movie or to Disneyland or WHATEVER, you won't be offended when I spit in your face.
ASU's PhD in Spanish program is ranked #7 nationally, and they have a lot more depth in terms of faculty and course offerings. When looking through ASU's schedule, I see plenty of courses I'd be interested in taking. I cannot say the same for Oregon. Plus, ASU's program allows for an optional minor in French. Sorry, Ducks! The Sun Devils just handed your duck asses to you.
So I'm staying at ASU and staying here with my obese roommate, which will be cheap for me, ESPECIALLY when the light rail starts running this December (it's 5 blocks away and ASU students ride for free). I'm REALLY looking forward to being a grad student again. Not looking forward to the poverty, but I'm willing to sacrifice 2/3 of my current income to be able to SLEEP IN if I want to. No more cubicle! Oh GOD--I can't WAIT!!!
So Friday night we had what Bret named the "Big Gay Brothers Reunion Tour." Bret, Gary, Keith and I went to dinner downtown after work, then we went to Dodge Theatre, where we saw Margaret Cho.
I @#$%ing LOVE Margaret Cho. I left Dodge Theatre with actual abdominal discomfort from laughing so much. I have not had abdominal discomfort since Bret poisoned his food in what he called "a lesson for you to stop eating my food all the goddamn time, St.George." OK, we know that isn't an actual Bret quote, because Bret would never say "lesson." He's morally opposed to "all that readin' and writin'." It ain't right! Where in the Bible does it say that Jesus went to school and got all educated and snobby? No, seriously--tell me where. I'm illiterate. I just use the Bible to justify my own hatred, so having actual references would really help me out.
After Margaret Cho, we dropped Gary off at his house (because he is OLD and LAME) and went to Homme, which is really close to our place. I always liked Homme (because it's original, it has character, and the second floor is more conversation-oriented, which is nice), but now they've started charging a $3 cover. Bret's reaction was "Really?! For this?! A cover?! Really?!" The security guard was not amused by his reaction. I, however, was highly amused, because my inner monologue perfectly matched Bret's outer monologue at that particular moment.
The boys weren't feeling Homme, so we went to the Mothership: Charlie's. Plenty of cute gay boys and alcohol (as always). I'd like to say that I'm completely over cute gay boys and alcohol at this point in my life, but it's still kind of enjoyable every now and then. Being that my pancreas doesn't work properly, I'm traditionally the driver, so Bret very graciously offered to pay for a cab that night so I could get good and sloshed. That was really nice of him--I'm totally due for a turn to get wasted, but even when I was given the opportunity, it didn't sound very appealing to me.
That coupled with the fact that I am SO EXCITED about my new vacuum and hard floor cleaner has me contemplating on this fine afternoon the fact that I am getting very old (and very quickly). My crazy-fast metabolism is slowing down, I don't feel like going out every weekend anymore, and I'm so crazy in love with the Hoover FloorMate, I'm thinking of marrying it. I know what you're thinking: gay marriage is illegal (what with me being as gay as I am, and the Hoover, well... it has amazing suction, which takes practice... I'm just sayin').
The Hoover FloorMate is a TOTAL SLUT, but I can't help myself from falling head-over-loafers in love with him. Plus, he says he's ready to settle down now, and he hasn't left my apartment since I brought him home Friday night. I think this one's a keeper, folks. I don't wanna be like one of those Thatcher kids who gets married after a week-long courtship, but seriously, I just have this gut feeling that the Hoover FloorMate is The One. He's my eternal companion. And he has SUCH a strong testimony.
I think I'll take the Hoover FloorMate with me to the next Democratic debate and ask Hillary and Barack whether they'd be willing to approve legislation to allow me and Hoov to get gay married. If neither one of them answers my question to my satisfaction, that's IT. I'll vote for Ron Paul just to spite them. Few people know that Ron Paul is still in the race, but he totally is. Just FYI.
posted by Charlie at 11:24 AM
1 Comments:
I am now so sad that I did not attend the drama reunion. I didn't know COOL people were there.
Ok, I will stop commenting on Your sweet blog. I am a wierd stalker at this point. Please forgive me.
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