Alright. It's been 1 year and 3 months since my last blog. What have I been doing all this time? I'm not gonna lie. I've been high. High on black tar heroin.



Also, I've been working two jobs, teaching Spanish part-time at Arizona State. I finally escaped the soul-crushing insurance industry and am now working full-time at Walden University as Academic Advisor. Where is Walden University, you ask? It's in your imagination!



It's an online graduate school, which means instead of having an office where students make appointments to come see me, I sit in a cubicle and type e-mails and answer phones all day. How is this different from insurance, you ask? It just IS. No more questions!

I've actually been offered a faculty position that would start in January at Coastal Carolina University just outside Myrtle Beach, South Carolina:



Oh wait--that's Rio. I'm always getting Rio confused with Myrtle Beach. This is Myrtle Beach:



It's beautiful. I flew out there in June and fell in love with the campus and the faculty.



Problems: it's in the South. Yes, it's in a coastal, touristy part of the South where the locals are FORCED to be open-minded for economic reasons, but let's face it folks. There's a reason the South lost the war.



I have a love/hate relationship with the South. It can be very hospitable, but only if you're the right color/religion/etc. It can be very laid back and charming, but it can also be the shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later type of place that tends to prefer shock and awe over intellectual pursuits. These are gross generalizations I am making here, and I'm probably using Dixie-phobia as a cover-up for a deeper anxiety I have about moving so far away from my family and friends in the solitary pursuit of career happiness. Besides, I love fried food and the beach. Myrtle Beach would be great! Here's the thing, though: the pay bites. It has caused an existential conundrum that has caused me to look at whether I'm content with an MA, or whether I should pursue a PhD. With a PhD, I'd get paid a reasonable wage and be able to teach a wider variety of material. The drawback, though, is that I would have to constantly be researching and publishing with a PhD, which would cut into my time with the wife and kids.

Oh, wait.

I'll have PLENTY of time to research and publish! Alright then--PhD it is. If all I'm gonna have in my life is my career, it better be a freaking awesome career. And unlike a certain Olympic track and field star, I promise to NOT use steroids to attain a freaking awesome career.



I CANNOT make the same promise, however, when it comes to black tar heroin.



I'm applying for the PhD program in Spanish Language and Culture at Arizona State and the PhD program in Romance Languages at University of Oregon. Why? Because I speak most of the romance languages, and I freaking love hippies. That's why.

Alright, folks. That's the update on Charlie. Oh, wait--I went to Spain in March, and LOVED IT. On one particular night in Madrid, I managed to unintentionally have coversations with TWO different male prostitutes in TWO different bars! Now THAT is what I call a trip to Spain!